This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Friday 5 August 2011

A Cathlic book

Well, my bruvver Bosco esscaped from de hopsital and ran down de street, dat's not bad wiv all his injurries, but when de Lord is wiv you, and Jessus tells you dat you is saved, den you got de strentgh of ten men. Here is anuvver pitcher of Bosco showin a certtain quiet dignitty as he gives de kiss of peace to some passers-by who aint saved.

Big bruvver Bosco

"Is we bein raptured, Bosco?" I asked when I cuaght him up. "Only I fought it would be more excittin dan dis."
"Shut up, Eccles," replied my bruvver. Dis is how he treats me when he is cross, I fink dat even when we gits to Heaven he's gonna say "Shut up, Eccles."

We got home and knokced on the door, becos dem nuns what beat us up had stollen our house keys. Grate-Anti Moly opened de door.
"You're de rabbit. Go away! Go back to your donnkeys! Sockpoppet!" she screamed.
"Who's de rabbit, Anti?" I asked.
"Both of you. Fannatical, traddie, sad, RC cliqque bigots of the worst sort, don't try to impose your superstitoins on me, you constantly insullt me but seem totally incappable of realizing this..."
"Eccles, go and git a botle of sherry from de shop round de corner," hissed Bosco.
"Is you sure, Bosco?" I whipsered back. "It seems a bit cruel to hit Anti wiv a sherry botle. Maybe we could clibm in thruogh a window instead."
"It's for her to drink, you punchdrunk airhead!" repplied my bruvver, kindly puttin me straihgt.

Two hours later in de house, Anti was snorrin peacefully. But Bosco was readin a big book and gittin more and more angry. "Eccles, look at dis Cathlic book I found!" he shouted. "Dis proved dey aint saved, dem fillthy swine! It says here: 'Jesus was no more than a mortal whom We favored and made an example to the Isrealites.'"

"Bosco, we gottem!" I said. "Dis proves dat de Cathlics is wrong from start to finish and dey can't be saved. Woss this Cathlic book called den?"
"Dey calls it de Korran," said Bosco. "I read on de Internet dat it was written by a Pop called Mohhamed. Dey got a lot about dis Allah chap in it, I fink he's a Cathlic iddle."
Well we is an unassaillable position now, and I spose dem Cathlics aint gonna dare show dere faces round here in futture.

Here's a pitcher of a liddle boy worshippin a golden iddle. It shows dat dem Cathlic leads dere kids into iddletree very young, I finks it's shockin, and so does Bosco.

Boy wiv golden iddle

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