1. What is your name? Gerhard Müller.
2. What is your quest? To seek the Holy Grail.
3. What is the airspeed of a swallow? African or European?
4. Do you renounce evil? Yes. Er, that's still the right answer, isn't it?
5. Who is Prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith? Me?
WRONG!!! Ha ha ha ha ha!!! (Hideous laughter at which the usual suspects (Spadaro, Parolin, etc.) all joined in.
"DEATH RAY ACTIVATED O MASTER AWAITING INSTRUCTIONS"
Of course this was easily identifiable as Fake News, designed to show the Pope in a bad light. But there has been far too much of this.
* His Most Eminent Highness Fra' Matthew Festing, Prince and Grand Master of the Sovereign Military Hospitaller Order of St. John of Jerusalem, of Rhodes and of Malta, Most Humble Guardian of the Poor of Jesus Christ, was getting a little tired with the responsibilities of his position (especially as he had to order a new cheque book three feet long in order to fit his signature on it). He wanted simply to retire to Northumberland and grow vegetable marrows. However, his resignation was portrayed (Fake News) as a constitutional crisis in the Order of Malta, with Pope Francis acting like a dictator of the worst kind.
"Parasitic Fungi? Yes, I'm suffering from those as well."
* There is no truth in the Fake News that four cardinals wrote to the Pope to ask him "What the Hell he was playing at." They certainly did not ask Pope Francis if there had been any changes in Catholic doctrine - and, after all, if they had wanted to know they would have asked his key Jesuit advisers such as Spadaro or James Martin. No, this "dubia" story is nonsense from beginning to end.
So from now on, we want to see no more Fake News about the Pope. Let's rely on impeccable sources such as Austen Ivereigh ("Pope Francis announces an end to war, famine, disease and death!"), Antonio Spadaro ("Donald Trump is the anti-Christ and traditionalist Americans such as Burke and Chaput are possessed by demons. Trust me, I'm a Jesuit"), or James Martin ("Everyone who disagrees with Satan is a HATER.") Got that?
Cardinal Müller discovers a suspicious package in his car. (Fake News!)