This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 11 October 2017

Everyone's scared of Christians

Student union chiefs at Balliol College, Oxford, have admitted that they are "terrified of Christians" after trying to ban the Christian Union from its Freshers' Fair. This is an event where students can see all the clubs and societies on offer: from the Amateur Terrorists' Association, to the Llama-Porn Club, to the Cocaine Society, all student interests are catered for, EXCEPT Christianity.

Molesworth picture

A much healthier hobby than Christianity.

They are right of course. Having a spotty nineteen-year-old accosting you to say "Have you got a personal relationship with Jesus? I have, ever since I met Him on the number 6 bus. Will you come to our service on Sunday and sing 'Lord of the Dance?' with us?" is nearly as dangerous as encountering a Jehovah's Witness or a Jesuit priest trying to build bridges. Much better to have someone sidle up to you and say "Have you ever considered taking up serial killing? Join OXSERKILSOC, meet new people, and kill them!"

Well, enough of Balliol, or Baal. Let's move on to the Rosary, which is one of the main weapons of Christian Terrorism. Some Muslim MP called Rupa Huq is anxious to avoid its being "weaponised" outside abortion clinics - we mustn't stop the production of little corpses, must we?

They say that, following Rupa's warning, airport security is to be tightened up, and special Rosary-detectors installed, to prevent any "weaponised" Christians flying.

Captain Hook

Possibly luvvly Rupa is related to Captain Huq, who also had problems with kids.

Of course Muslims are very sensitive to the power of the Rosary, especially after they got a bloody nose at Lepanto (cheers!). The Poles have recognised this and have been praying in an aggressive and tactless manner on their borders. But that's a Catholic country, so they don't know any better, unlike we British who are mostly Muslims anyway.

Massimo tweet

Mr Bean puts us straight. Just say NO to the Virgin Mary.

I had been planning to write some extra verses for Chesterton's Lepanto to celebrate the anniversary, but Dan Sheehan beat me to it:

Don John of Austria
Has loosed the cannonade,
But Massimo of Italy stayed home from the Crusade.
Perhaps next year?

Dawkins and beads

Even atheists use the Rosary, but they don't know how it works.

9 comments:

  1. I'm proud of being English, but man I wish I was Polish right now! I'm super proud of our Polish brothers and sisters for doing what they did. Its also hilarious to watch the media types, secular and Muslim, getting their knickers in a twist over free people choosing to pray. The scaredy cats probably have more faith in the effectiveness of the rosary than we realise. Fabulously funny post as always, dear Eccles.

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  2. I am Polish - though sitting here in Canada - and let me tell you - there was much ridicule coming from our own, those enlightened, progressive and cosmopolitan Catholics. Perhaps I should say - Bergoglian Catholics. They do like to punch extremists and fanatics like us. It is their noble calling. As Bergoglio said in response to the gift of rosaries prayed for him (though he did so, ever a diplomat, behind the backs of those who offered) - I thought people don't do this any more!

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  3. After all these years, suddenly someone has had the kindness to pass on the information that I can get my rosaries weaponised, if I want to. Thank you, Rupa! But where do I go to get it done? Do I need to buy a special DIY kit? Or is there a website where I find out how to do it, like the Islamic State websites that teach people how to weaponise their backpacks, underpants and shoes?

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  4. I think Richard Dawkins is really tasteless trying to auction off rosary beads.The man has no shame !

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  5. I see that Oxford is going to ban all petrol and diesel vehicles as well as Christians so it will be fun to see just how any shops in Oxford will be able to have deliveries made to them. Perhaps, like the minds of their academicians, they will just close down.

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  6. Balliol College? What can Jowett be thinking. Balliol men used to be intellectually formidable.

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  7. Those students are elitist authoritarians who believe they are better than others, and they're rigid, and worshippers of the god Narcissus. O wait, P. Francis said that about Catholics.

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  8. I just keep wondering if you are dangerous to read. Maybe I need to go to confession after reading one of your writings. Because I laugh when I think I shouldn't be laughing. Well have peaceful day!

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  9. Balliol produced two cardinals and both were converts: Henry Edward Cardinal Manning (ex Church of England), second Archbishop of Westminster; William Theodore Cardinal Heard (ex Scottish Episcopalian, Tartan Anglican). Cardinal Heard, despite being a priest of the Diocese (now Archdiocese) of Southwark and having resided for many years at the Venerabile, was a proud Scotsman. Heard was Dean of the Sacred Roman Rota for Good Pope John's first year in office and was crested cardinal at the end of that year. He was a rowing blue (1907 Boat Race).

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